03 Sep Why We Crave Narcissistic Posts (And How to Fix Your Personal Brand)
If you’ve ever caught yourself liking yet another perfectly curated selfie or that boastful post about someone’s latest achievement, you’re not alone. We’re all guilty of giving these posts the attention they crave. But why do narcissistic posts get the most likes? And what does this say about us, the likers? Let’s break it down with a little help from some famous psychoanalysts—and explore how we can build a healthier personal brand in the process.
Freud’s Take: The Appeal of Narcissism
Sigmund Freud, the original psychoanalyst, introduced the concept of narcissism way back in 1914. Freud (1914) suggested that a bit of narcissism is part of human nature. We all have a need for self-love and validation. When someone posts an image or update that screams, “Look how amazing my life is!”, they’re seeking this validation from others.
When we like these posts, we’re essentially feeding that person’s ego—and, to some extent, feeding our own. It’s a bit like being part of a mutual admiration society. By liking someone else’s self-promotion, we hope that maybe, just maybe, others will do the same for us when we post something similar. Freud might say that this is our unconscious desire for recognition and approval at play.
Lacan’s Mirror: Seeing Ourselves in Others
Jacques Lacan, another heavyweight in psychoanalysis, introduced the concept of the “mirror stage” (Lacan, 1949). This idea suggests that we form our identities by seeing ourselves reflected in others. On social media, those narcissistic posts are like mirrors. When we see someone else living their best life, it reflects what we want to see in ourselves.
By liking these posts, we’re not just appreciating the other person’s success or beauty—we’re aligning ourselves with it. It’s as if we’re saying, “I see you, and I want to be seen like this too.” This mirroring effect makes these posts irresistibly attractive.
Winnicott’s False Self: The Masks We Wear
Donald Winnicott, another influential psychoanalyst, talked about the “false self,” which is the persona we present to the world to gain acceptance (Winnicott, 1960). Social media is a perfect stage for the false self. The pictures we post and the stories we tell are often carefully curated versions of our lives—highlight reels, if you will.
When we like these posts, we’re endorsing these false selves—not just the poster’s, but our own. We buy into the idea that success, beauty, and happiness are what matter most, even if we know deep down that what we see online is only part of the story.
What It Says About Us (The Likers)
So, what does all this mean for us, the ones doling out the likes? It suggests that we’re all playing along in a big game of social validation. Liking these posts might make us feel connected or part of an idealized world, but it also reveals our insecurities. We want to belong, to be admired, and to be seen in the best light—just like those whose posts we’re liking.
But here’s the kicker: this constant search for validation through liking and being liked can actually make us feel less satisfied with our own lives. We end up comparing our everyday selves to the highlight reels of others, which isn’t a fair fight.
What We Can Do About It: Building a Healthy Personal Brand
So, how do we navigate this world of likes and narcissistic posts without losing ourselves? The answer lies in building a healthy personal brand—one that reflects your true self rather than just a curated persona.
1. Authenticity Over Perfection: Share your real experiences, including the ups and downs. People connect more with authenticity than with perfection. Let your posts reflect who you truly are, not just who you think people want to see.
2. Value-Driven Content: Focus on sharing content that provides value to others. Whether it’s insights from your field, motivational thoughts, or helpful tips, content that educates or inspires is more likely to build a loyal following than posts that simply seek validation.
3. Consistency Matters: Build your personal brand consistently over time. This doesn’t mean posting every day, but rather maintaining a regular presence where your audience knows what to expect from you. Consistency builds trust.
4. Engage Authentically: Don’t just post and ghost. Engage with your audience by responding to comments, liking others’ posts for genuine reasons, and starting meaningful conversations. This two-way engagement helps you build a community rather than just a follower count.
5. Focus on Real Connections: Remember that your online presence is an extension of your real self. Don’t let the pursuit of likes overshadow your real-life relationships and achievements. Use social media to enhance, not replace, your personal connections.
Conclusion
Narcissistic posts are popular because they tap into deep psychological needs for validation, admiration, and self-reflection. But by being more mindful of how we interact with these posts—and why we’re so drawn to them—we can create a healthier relationship with social media. More importantly, by focusing on building a healthy personal brand that reflects your true self, you can make social media a tool for growth, connection, and genuine expression, rather than just a platform for seeking validation.
Let’s strive to be more authentic, both online and offline, and create a digital presence that we can be proud of—not just for the likes, but for the value it brings to others and ourselves.
References
Freud, S. (1914). On Narcissism: An Introduction. The Standard Edition of the Complete Psychological Works of Sigmund Freud, Volume XIV (1914-1916): On the History of the Psycho-Analytic Movement, Papers on Metapsychology and Other Works, 67-102.
Lacan, J. (1949). The mirror stage as formative of the function of the I as revealed in psychoanalytic experience. In Écrits: A Selection (pp. 1-7). Routledge.
Winnicott, D. W. (1960). Ego distortion in terms of true and false self. In The maturational processes and the facilitating environment: Studies in the theory of emotional development (pp. 140-152). Karnac Books.
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