
11 Jan Why Thinking Hurts: The Psychology of Decisions, Growth, and Guiding Others Through the Struggle
Have you ever found yourself stuck in the decision-making loop, overthinking every option and still feeling like you’re getting nowhere? You’re not alone. Whether in life or business, decision-making can be overwhelming. Why? Because it’s not just about logic—it’s about navigating emotions, frustrations, and complexities that don’t always fit neatly into a pros-and-cons list.
Wilfred Bion, a pioneer in psychoanalytic theory, offers a fascinating perspective: our minds struggle to think when faced with raw, unprocessed experiences—what he calls “beta-elements” (Bion, 1962). These emotional fragments need to be transformed into something digestible (alpha-elements) to think and act clearly. But that transformation process? It’s hard work, and it requires a willingness to tolerate frustration.
The Tough Road to Growth
Growth, both personal and professional, is often romanticized as a straightforward climb to success. In reality, it’s more like hacking through an overgrown jungle. Bion’s concept of “learning from experience” underscores that real development requires embracing the tough stuff—confusion, discomfort, and even failure (Bion, 1962).
Thomas Ogden expands on this, emphasizing that progress isn’t about eliminating uncertainty but learning to live with it. True evolution, Ogden says, happens when we accept that growth doesn’t mean the absence of struggle but the ability to find meaning in it (Ogden, 2004). Forget the shortcuts—lasting change is built on perseverance and resilience.
Helping Others Grow (When There Are No Shortcuts)
As leaders, parents, or friends, we often want to ease the journey for those we care about. But sometimes, the best way to help isn’t to remove obstacles but to support others as they navigate them. Here are some key takeaways from Bion and Ogden’s work to guide others through growth:
1. Be a Container, Not a Solver:
• Bion’s “container-contained” model shows that helping others isn’t about providing all the answers but creating a safe space for them to process their frustrations (Bion, 1962). For instance, instead of solving a team member’s problem outright, offer questions or reflections that help them find their own solutions.
2. Normalize the Struggle:
• Growth is rarely smooth. Ogden (2008) reminds us that acknowledging the reality of hard times, rather than sugar-coating them, allows others to develop the resilience they need for the long haul. Let your team know: It’s okay to struggle—that’s where the learning happens.
3. Encourage Patience Over Perfection:
• Change takes time. Remind loved ones and subordinates that there’s no finish line in personal or professional development. It’s about the ongoing process, not the perfect outcome.
Decision-Making and Growth: A Shared Journey
At its core, decision-making and growth are deeply intertwined. Both require a tolerance for uncertainty, a willingness to face frustration, and the support of others when things feel overwhelming. As Bion said, “The capacity for tolerating frustration…is what enables thought to develop” (Bion, 1962). Whether you’re choosing a path forward or helping someone else find theirs, the process is rarely easy—but it’s always worth it.
References
Bion, W. R. (1962). Learning from Experience. London: Heinemann.
Ogden, T. H. (2004). An Introduction to the Reading of Bion. International Journal of Psychoanalysis, 85(2), 285-300.
Ogden, T. H. (2008). Bion’s Four Principles of Mental Functioning. Fort Da, 14(2), 11-35.
#PsychologyOfGrowth #DecisionMaking #PersonalDevelopment #Resilience #EmotionalGrowth #LeadershipJourney #SelfAwareness #GrowthMindset