01 Sep Why Finding the Right Employee Is Like Finding the Right Partner (And How Not to Get Fooled)

Looking for the perfect employee is a lot like searching for the perfect partner in life. You want someone who checks all the boxes, fits perfectly into your world, and helps you grow. But just as in dating, first impressions can be deceiving. A CV might sparkle with achievements and all the right buzzwords, but that doesn’t guarantee a match made in heaven. So, why do we keep getting misled by these polished resumes, and more importantly, how can we do better?

The Halo Effect: Why We Fall for Flashy CVs and Charming Dates

Sigmund Freud, the famous psychoanalyst, would probably say that our brains are tricked by unconscious biases in both recruitment and dating. When we see a shiny CV, we want to believe it represents the perfect candidate. This is similar to the “halo effect” in relationships, where one positive trait (like a great smile) makes us overlook potential flaws (Thorndike, 1920).

But just as a charming first date doesn’t always lead to a lasting relationship, a CV filled with impressive details doesn’t necessarily mean the person is right for the job. They might be highlighting their best qualities while hiding their weaknesses—much like someone trying to impress you on a first date.

The Shadow Side: What CVs and Dates Might Be Hiding

Carl Jung, another psychology heavyweight, talked about the “shadow”—the parts of ourselves we hide from others and sometimes even from ourselves (Jung, 1953). CVs and first dates often have a shadow side too. Candidates (and potential partners) showcase their greatest hits, but they conveniently leave out their mistakes, failures, and the less glamorous parts of their personality.

This is why you can’t rely solely on a CV (or a first impression) to judge a person. It’s like judging a book by its cover—you might be missing some important chapters.

The Desire for the Perfect Match: How We Get Blinded

Jacques Lacan, a thinker known for his theories on desire, would argue that in both love and work, we’re driven by a deep desire to find “the one”—the perfect partner or the perfect employee (Lacan, 1949). But in our quest, we can become blinded by this desire, projecting our hopes onto someone who looks good on paper (or at dinner) while ignoring the red flags that might be waving in the background.

Practical Advice for Finding the Right Match (at Work and in Life)

Here’s how to avoid getting fooled by appearances, whether you’re looking for an employee or a partner:

1. Focus on Growth, Not Just Glamour: Whether in a job interview or on a date, ask about past mistakes and what they learned from them. People who can learn and grow from their experiences are often better long-term matches than those with a flawless (but possibly shallow) history.

2. Culture Fit Over Checklist: In both love and work, compatibility is key. A candidate (or partner) might check all the boxes on paper, but if they don’t fit into your life or your company’s culture, it’s unlikely to work out. Sometimes, a person with fewer qualifications but a better fit will make you happier in the long run.

3. Soft Skills Matter: Just as you wouldn’t marry someone based solely on their resume, don’t hire someone without considering their soft skills—like communication, teamwork, and empathy. These qualities are often what sustain relationships, both in the office and in life.

4. Consistency Is Key: On a date or in an interview, pay attention to whether the person’s behavior and words are consistent. Do they stay calm under pressure? Are they genuinely interested in you or the job, or are they just trying to impress? Inconsistencies can be red flags.

5. Use Technology, But Trust Your Gut: Whether you’re swiping on a dating app or reviewing applications with recruitment software, technology can help you filter options. But remember, the final decision should come from your instincts. If something feels off, dig deeper until you’re sure.

6. Get a Second Opinion: In both dating and hiring, it helps to get input from friends, family, or colleagues. They might spot strengths or weaknesses you’ve missed. Plus, if your friends like your new partner (or your team likes your new hire), it’s a good sign they’ll fit in well.

The Start of All Problems: Poor Choices in Life and Work

Here’s a truth that applies to both love and business: most problems can be traced back to poor recruitment choices. Whether it’s picking the wrong partner in life or the wrong employee at work, everything starts with that initial selection. A bad hire can drain resources, hurt team morale, and even lead to bigger issues down the line—just like a poor choice in a partner can lead to heartache and stress. But making the right choice from the start can set you up for success, both in your personal life and your career.

How to Avoid Getting Fooled: Practical Tips for Life and Work

So, how do you stop getting blindsided by a flashy CV or a charming date? Here are some tips:

1. Ask About Failures: Don’t just focus on successes—ask about past failures and how they handled them. This will give you insight into their true character and resilience.

2. Check References (and Backgrounds): In the job market, check references carefully. In dating, do a little background research. Talk to people who know them in different contexts to get a fuller picture.

3. Test Them Out: In recruitment, give candidates a small project to see how they perform. In dating, take things slow and see how they handle different situations over time.

4. Look for Consistency: Compare what they say with what they’ve done. Inconsistencies might be a sign they’re not being entirely truthful or are trying to hide something.

5. Trust Your Instincts: Whether it’s a gut feeling in an interview or on a date, trust your instincts. If something feels off, don’t ignore it—dig deeper until you’re satisfied you know the real person.

Conclusion

Whether you’re hiring a new employee or looking for a life partner, the key is not to let your desire for perfection blind you. Remember, a CV (or a first date) is just the tip of the iceberg—what lies beneath might be very different from what’s presented on paper. By applying these practical tips, you can avoid being fooled by appearances and make better choices in both your professional and personal life.

Here’s to finding the right match—at work and in love!

References

Jung, C. G. (1953). Psychology and Alchemy. Princeton University Press.

Lacan, J. (1949). The Mirror Stage as Formative of the I Function. Écrits.

Thorndike, E. L. (1920). A constant error in psychological ratings. Journal of Applied Psychology, 4(1), 25-29.

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