The Change You Didn’t Want Might Be the Best Thing That Happened to You - DRAGOS CALIN
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09 Oct The Change You Didn’t Want Might Be the Best Thing That Happened to You

Posted at 14:34h in Change, Growth, Psychoanalysis by

Think of a major change you’ve recently made in your life. Maybe you switched careers. Ended a relationship. Moved cities. Or simply shifted your mindset.

Now – pause for a second – and imagine your life if you hadn’t made that change.

What would you still be tolerating? Who would you still be trying to please? What part of yourself would still be asleep?

We like to believe we change when we’re ready. When the stars align, when we’ve read enough books or taken enough courses. But the truth?

Change often comes before we’re prepared. It barges in, uninvited and chaotic. And somehow, we move forward anyway.

Why?

Because the human psyche is wired in paradox.

As Freud (1926) noted, we’re creatures of repetition compulsion – we seek the familiar, even when it hurts. Yet as Winnicott (1965) and Bion (1970) expanded, we’re also built for growth, integration, and the formation of a more authentic self.

Change pulls us right into the tension between security and becoming. Between “what I know” and “what I might become.” Between the fear of losing control – and the courage to evolve.

Let’s talk about that fear.

Fear is not weakness. It’s a signal.

The ego, as Freud saw it, tries to maintain homeostasis – it hates surprises. But the deeper part of us, the self in Jung’s language, wants wholeness, expansion, and individuation (Jung, 1959).

This is why courage is not the absence of fear. It’s the decision to listen to something deeper than fear.

So what can you do about it?

  1. Name the fear. Not “I’m afraid of change,” but “I’m afraid of failing,” “I’m afraid of losing status,” “I’m afraid of starting over.” Naming it gives it form. And what has form, you can face.
  2. Locate the gain. Ask: What do I stand to become if I go through this? Whose voice gets louder – mine or someone else’s?
  3. Tolerate the unknown. Bion (1962) called this negative capability – the ability to sit with not knowing, and still remain curious.
  4. Find your witnesses. Change is metabolized faster in relation. Mentors, therapists, communities – they help you hold the new shape you’re forming.

Every major change in your life hasn’t just been about doing something different. It’s been about being someone different. Not just by what you choose – but by what you refuse to keep accepting.

Fear is part of the ride. But so is freedom.

#ChooseGrowth

References:

  • Bion, W. R. (1962). Learning from experience. London: Heinemann.
  • Bion, W. R. (1970). Attention and interpretation. London: Tavistock.
  • Freud, S. (1926). Inhibitions, symptoms and anxiety. SE, 20: 75–174.
  • Jung, C. G. (1959). The archetypes and the collective unconscious (Vol. 9). Princeton University Press.
  • Winnicott, D. W. (1965). The maturational processes and the facilitating environment. London: Hogarth Press.

#Change #Courage #Fear #PersonalGrowth #PsychoanalysisForLeaders

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