21 Oct Screen Time and Kids’ Focus: Are We Blaming the Wrong Thing?

We’ve all read the headlines.

“Screens are destroying children’s attention spans.”

“Too much tablet time causes ADHD.”

“Smartphones are making kids dumb.”

But here’s a question I can’t shake off:

Are we studying screen time in isolation, or are we ignoring the emotional environments that surround it?

As a parent, a psychologist, and a leadership consultant, I’ve started to wonder:

Maybe it’s not the screen that harms kids – maybe it’s what happens when the screen becomes a substitute for emotional presence.

What the science says (and doesn’t say)

Yes, research shows associations between screen time and reduced attention in children.

For example, a study found that more screen time at age 3 was linked to lower scores in developmental screenings at age 5 (Madigan et al., 2019).

Another systematic review reported a trend: more screen time, more attention problems (Domingues-Montanari, 2017).

But here’s the catch:

• Most of these studies are correlational, not causal.
• Many are short-term or cross-sectional.
• The role of the emotional environment – parental warmth, connection, or neglect – is often not accounted for.

A recent large-scale longitudinal study from Oxford University found no negative cognitive impact from screen time over two years, suggesting the type and context of screen use matter more than the quantity alone (Orben et al., 2022).

So yes, screen time can be harmful.

But the question is – what kind of screen time? in what kind of family system?

And what if the real issue isn’t the screen, but the lack of meaningful alternatives?

Roblox is not screen time. It’s their language.

Here’s what we often miss:

When a kid plays Roblox while chatting with a friend on speakerphone – that’s not passive consumption. That’s digital play + real-time communication.

For many Gen Z and Gen Alpha kids (let’s call them Gen D – for digital, dynamic, dramatic), Roblox is a social playground, a shared experience.

Recent research sees platforms like Roblox not just as games, but as social spaces – places where kids collaborate, talk, and co-create. It’s their version of “meeting up in the backyard” (Comer & Tynes, 2022).

So if a child is gaming and socially connected and emotionally safe at home – is that even “screen time” in the way we mean it?

Short-form video scrolling (like YouTube Shorts, TikTok) may be more linked to decreased focus and dopamine loops.

But interactive, social screen use? That’s something else entirely.

The psychoanalytic lens: screens as scapegoats

In psychoanalysis, we often talk about projection – the unconscious process of displacing inner guilt or anxiety onto something external.

Could it be that, as parents, we sometimes project our own guilt about being absent or overwhelmed… onto the iPad?

Instead of facing the painful question “Do I give my child enough emotional presence?”, it’s easier to say:

“Damn screens! They’re ruining everything.”

But if a child watches Minecraft or plays Roblox after a full day of laughter, connection, and shared conversations with their parents – that’s not the same as a child who stares at a screen to fill the void of emotional neglect.

As Donald Winnicott (1960) might say, children don’t need perfect parents – they need “good enough” ones who can be present, emotionally available, and consistent.

So… what really matters?

It’s not about banning screens.

It’s about asking: what else is in the picture?

Here’s what helps:

• Co-use: Watching or playing together, and talking about it.
• Relational buffering: Having daily emotional check-ins, rituals, shared routines.
• Content matters: Passive consumption (shorts, doomscrolling) ≠ interactive or social platforms (Roblox, creative games).
• Boundaries, not bans: Clear structure, but not fear-based restrictions.

The uncomfortable truth

It’s easier to fear “screen time” than to examine our own time.

How much presence do we give, after work, after stress, after burnout?

Screens aren’t evil. They’re just mirrors – and sometimes, they reflect back our own absence.

Instead of demonizing tech, let’s build deeper, warmer, and more curious relationships – on and off screen.

References

Comer, J. S., & Tynes, B. M. (2022). The New Normal: Understanding Children’s Digital Social Worlds. Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry, 63(1), 5–8. https://doi.org/10.1111/jcpp.13532

Domingues-Montanari, S. (2017). Clinical and psychological effects of excessive screen time on children. Journal of Paediatrics and Child Health, 53(4), 333–338. https://doi.org/10.1111/jpc.13462

Madigan, S., Browne, D., Racine, N., Mori, C., & Tough, S. (2019). Association Between Screen Time and Children’s Performance on a Developmental Screening Test. JAMA Pediatrics, 173(3), 244–250. https://doi.org/10.1001/jamapediatrics.2018.5056

Orben, A., Przybylski, A. K., Blakemore, S. J., & Kievit, R. A. (2022). Window to the mind: Associations between adolescents’ screen time and their cognitive development. Nature Human Behaviour, 6, 1343–1351. https://doi.org/10.1038/s41562-022-01359-4

Winnicott, D. W. (1960). The theory of the parent-infant relationship. International Journal of Psycho-Analysis, 41, 585–595.

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