09 Oct Do You Have a Friend at Work? It Might Change Everything
Let’s face it: we all have days when work feels like climbing a hill with a backpack full of bricks. But then something small – a look, a smile, a shared coffee – shifts the weight. Having a friend at work isn’t just a nice-to-have. It’s a game-changer.
In fact, it’s one of the most powerful questions in Gallup’s famous Q12 survey:
“Do you have a best friend at work?”
This seemingly simple question tells more about employee retention, engagement, and well-being than most KPIs combined. Yet, many organizations treat it as an emotional footnote rather than a strategic pillar.
From Intrapersonal to Interpersonal: You Can’t Think Your Way Out Alone
Modern psychoanalysis has shown us again and again: we are formed in relationships, and we heal in relationships.
Lewis Aron (1990) challenged the idea of a mind as a closed, solitary system (“one-person psychology”), arguing that real transformation comes through interaction – what he calls a “two-person psychology.”
Whether you’re processing a workplace conflict or a personal insecurity, doing it alone – in silence or in your head – isn’t always the way out. As Jessica Benjamin reminds us, recognition is co-created. You need someone to see you, to say: “I’ve been there too.”
Think about it: how often has a friend’s simple, grounded presence helped you make sense of your own chaos?
That’s not just friendship. That’s co-regulation, containment, and sometimes even re-parenting in action.
Why This Matters for Corporations
Employees with close relationships at work are more productive, more loyal, and more resilient. According to Gallup, people who strongly agree they have a best friend at work are:
· 7x more likely to be engaged
· Better at sharing knowledge
· More likely to stay in the organization long-term
Ignoring this aspect is like building a high-speed train and forgetting to check if the tracks are connected.
You might have talent, tools, and targets – but without relational glue, performance collapses under pressure.
What Can Leaders & HR Do?
Here are a few simple (but powerful) things that HR professionals and leaders can implement:
Create moments, not just meetings
Facilitate informal spaces – digital or physical – where people can connect outside performance metrics. Think walk-and-talks, “connection corners,” or shared lunches.
Normalize emotional check-ins
Start meetings with a quick round of “How are you really feeling today?” It doesn’t have to turn into group therapy – but making room for humanity normalizes belonging.
Reward relational behavior
Celebrate those who build bridges, not just those who meet deadlines. Relational intelligence is as valuable as technical skills.
Model it as leaders
If you are a senior leader, be visible in your friendships. It’s not unprofessional – it’s human. Vulnerability breeds trust.
Friendship is Strategic
In an age of burnout, quiet quitting, and hyper-efficiency, it may feel counterintuitive to say:
“We need more friends at work.”
But that’s exactly the point. If we want to build resilient, innovative, and emotionally intelligent cultures, we must bring back the human.
You don’t need 50 friends.
You need one person who makes it safe to say, “This is hard,” and who responds, “Let’s get through it together.”
References
Aron, L. (1990). One person and two person psychologies and the method of psychoanalysis. Psychoanalytic Psychology, 7(4), 475–485.
Benjamin, J. (1990). An outline of intersubjectivity: The development of recognition. Psychoanalytic Psychology, 7(Suppl), 33–46.
Gallup. (2024). State of the Global Workplace. Retrieved from https://www.gallup.com/workplace
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